IF Comp '08 - Final Scores!
[the potential for rampant spoilers about every game in this competition looms heavily below this line - puzzle solutions for School of Forbidden Wisdom and NerdQuest, the Big Secret of Riverside - I’m pretty much assuming you’ve played everything already or do not care if it’s spoiled, so watch the hell out]
If I were going to sum up this year’s competition in a single word, that one word would be “get some fucking betatesters.” So many of these games were all “I’m ready, Coach, put me in!” and Coach was all “Dammit, Mike, you’re drunk! And you haven’t got any legs!” and the games were all “No, no, I’m fine! I got this!” Then they threw up all over themselves, passed out, and caught fire. So you see it is important to have betatesters.
[games listed alphabetically followed by their scores, something good about them, something bad about them, and whatever subcategories I made up specifically for them to take first place in]
The Absolute Worst Game in IF History (no score): It wasn’t, you know.
Afflicted (9): Not earth-shatteringly brilliant, but tons of fun.
Best Use of Scoring System, Most Unflappable Protagonist.
Ananachronist (4): Potentially awesome, but spread-out and unfocused.
April in Paris (8): Charming but unambitious, and somewhat locationally confusing.
Berrost’s Challenge (no score): Well-rendered world with clever puzzles; I just didn’t much want to actually play it.
Buried in Shoes (9): Dreamlike and moving, also kick-you-in-the-face depressing.
Bleakest Choice of Subject Matter.
Channel Surfing (6): Had something to say, but needed to be more cohesive about how it said it.
Most Egregious Guess-the-Verb Issue (why yes, I do mean the remote control.)
Cry Wolf (7): Silly in places, buggy in others, but a great deal of time and care went into it, and it shows.
Thickest Protagonist (this year at least), Most Eyebrow-Raising Sexual Relationship, Only Known Giving-A-Dog-A-C-Section Puzzle.
A Date With Death (9): Somewhat buggy, but funny and well-written, even if David Whyld doesn’t know when to stop telling a joke. Some people never manage to start.
Dracula’s Underground Crypt (4): Funny, potentially very funny, but unfinished, untested, and buggy as hell.
You Didn’t Need To Release This Just Yet You Know Award.
Escape from the Underworld (4): It’s possible that the puzzles were good, but the NPCs were particularly unresponsive and the whole thing sort of uninspired, to say nothing of the bugginess.
Everybody Dies (9): Awesome writing, awesome pictures, awesome story, just not nearly enough of it.
I Don’t Much Care for the Protagonist Award (runner-up).
Freedom (no score): Only a little more to this game than the minimum required to even have a game as opposed to a nothing, but allegedly there were good intentions behind it somewhere.
Grief (3): Really great concept executed with the finesse and subtlety of two moose fucking. Also, depressing.
We All Know He’s Going To Die Award.
The Hall of the Fount of Artois (4): The puzzles could’ve been really awesome, as far as I know, but honestly the thing just pissed me off.
Silliest Villain Name (Stefano Maningo, the Black Warlock of Toxteth), Most Pretentious Way To Say “Big Clock” (Horological Leviathan).
Lair of the CyberCow (6): I still feel like I am missing something with this game, but, hey, free automatic door-opening.
The Lighthouse (2): At least it kept the authors off the streets for the half-hour it took them to make it.
The Hell Does A Game Have To Do Before I’ll Give It A One? Award.
The Lucubrator (5): Probably nice and creepy if you’re in the mood to take it seriously, which I wasn’t at the time, am not now, and most likely will never be.
Title I Had the Most Fun Mocking, Are You Sure I Can Jump Right Now? Award.
Magic (6): Neat idea that didn’t quite take off; humor my dad would have loved.
Most Egregious Use of Pun (the delicious screwdriver).
A Martian Odyssey (4): Buh? Nice music though.
Quote That Most Captured the Popular Imagination (“You rub the injured member ruefully”), I Don’t Get It Award.
The Missing Piece (no score): Really more of a dungeon hack, and I’m not male. Only on this list because it’s in the toplinks, and to not have included it would have made my brain itch.
NerdQuest (3): The author’s heart was in the system, not the game.
Most Blatant Operating System Favoritism (Linux), Least Classy Puzzle Solution (the laxative in your manager’s coffee).
The Ngah Angah School of Forbidden Wisdom (6): Nice attempt at imagery, and the puzzles were fun, but the story surrounding them was thin and phoned-in.
Wait, Really, That Worked? Award (chucking the trinket at the statue’s head).
Nightfall (8): Tons going on, a bunch of it very neat and quietly innovative, but something about the story failed to really thrill me.
Most Awesome New Features, The Protagonist Is A Boring Drip Award.
Opening Night (8): The writing really did the job, but man, what a downer.
Piracy 2.0 (8): Classic text adventure throwback, very well thought out and implemented technically, although it never really went beyond “solid and competent.” The map was great to have, though, and the feelies were a nice touch.
Project Delta (no score): The system looks like it might be interesting, but this demo flat-out does not belong in the list of competition games, and its inclusion here makes me want to avoid the thing on principle.
Red Moon (5): Nice attempt at creepy that ultimately just hangs there until somehow the player manages to bash their head against the shit ending, which is shit.
The Ending Of This Game Was Shit Award, Why Did You Make the Ending Such Shit? Award, I Might Be Being A Dick Here But Seriously The Ending Of Your Game Was Shit Award, Most Versatile Quote (“Wha?!”), Best Pick-Up Line (“My, what a large salmon!”), Also the Ending Was Shit. Award.
Recess At Last (7): Well-done little puzzler with multiple solutions but not much ambition or scope.
Riverside (no score): I really want to know at what point this became a joke game, as the self-destruct ending seems like it wants to piss people off, but hasn’t really built itself up to accomplish that. Some of the early bits are classic hilarious, though (“written crap?”) So, okay, Riverside, whatever you want.
I Don’t Much Care for the Protagonist Award (first place).
Search for the Ultimate Weapon (4): Puzzles weren’t bad, and the setting of ancient China was decently realized, but the game had some issues, and SUDS didn’t do it too many favors.
Snack Time! (8): Cute, fun little game that managed somehow to avoid being too precious, despite being written from the point of view of a dog. Very short though.
Most Relatable Motivation (fud).
Trein (6): Setting and story had promise, but you don’t so much get to play through them, you get to sit there while the game tells you about them.
Guess-the-Preposition Award, Most Gratuitous Use of Capital Letters.
Violet (10): I realize this is subjective, but this game just made me happy. That is all.
Favourite in Show.
When Machines Attack (3): Allegedly this game was very creepy in places, very effective, but I never found those bits myself, having gotten bored following the receptionist around. If you play only one game this year to make fun of its writing, though, this should be the game.
Does Not Know What Words Mean Award (for which the prize really ought to be a dictionary, but that is a lot of trouble and they’re free on the internet anyway).
Thank you, IF Comp ‘08. I’ll miss you. Eurokisses.
1 year ago