IF Comp '08 Review - Sharilynn No Last Name's Search for the Ultimate Weapon!
The icon for this game is a rubber duck, and the title screen says the game is called “Search for the Ultimate One.” I am confused already, but not necessarily in a bad way.
[spoilers start here, unless you really didn’t want to know about that rubber duck thing, in which case I am very sorry]
It is preferred that you switch to hardcore mode to play. However, playing in the normal mode is possible. It makes the game even easier, so if you are lazy, go ahead with normal mode. But be warned that some functions/verbs that you will be needing are not visually shown in that mode. Do not restrict yourself to the options given in the normal mode. Read the text carefully.
So… normal mode makes the game easier, except that it also makes the game harder? Why do we even have normal mode?
Now be off to the 1600s China. You are Wu Mei…
I have never before been Wu Mei in such an abrupt fashion. Not in all my years China.
Humma who now? SUDS? Why do I have so many buttons? Why do I have buttons at all?
Advanced Tutorial
Objective
To learn how the SUDS Player adds value to a normal text adventure game.
Um, not to be a douche about this or anything, but if it’s not immediately apparent how something adds value to something, chances are good that it isn’t actually adding any value. It is confusing me right proper, though. Probably some ancient Chinese guy said something once about there being value in confusion.
I am going to ignore the buttons and see how I get on.
Oh, okay, I can click on things and choose to examine them. Perhaps I owe you an apology, SUDS player.
These monks sure take a long time to pass by.
…somehow I broke the game so the panel on the side that showed me where the exits were went away. I am sure this is entirely my fault but it is Not Good. Oh! I see! That happens when you switch to hardcore mode! Fuck you, then, hardcore mode!
Take the Moon cake cakes
They’ll love these down at the artificial flower plant plant.
The pocket knife is the size of your palm and seems sharp enough to cut one thing or two.
I hear they make these new ones now that are so sharp they’ll cut three things! Oh, no, you got me, I was just making that up. Nothing’s that sharp.
Right now you do not feel like seeing someone being consumed by acidic solution at all.
Although I might be up for it later.
So, wait, cutting a moon cake doesn’t count as slicing the moon, but punching the moon’s reflection does? These Shaolin masters are friggin’ arbitrary, man.
It would be easier to tie this rope to this tree if I knew how to tie. Perhaps I’m being too Western in my thinking and the river I’m meant to cross is actually the river of vengeance that exists in the heart of a foolish man.
ATTACH is the verb I wanted. Thank you, ATTACH. How’ve you been? Oh, TIE’s been taking a lot of your gigs? Sorry to hear that.
I just went to save my game as Untitled and got an error pop-up telling me to call it something other than Untitled. There is no error pop-up telling me not to call it fuckyoutoogame, though.
It would be easier to cross this river if I knew how to cross. That is all.
Can I disturb you guys for a while? I need to jump across the river there. Is there any Shaolin secrets you guys use to do that?
Can you guys really slow down time? My mom says that’s just in the movies, but what does she know, she’s been murdered. I’m not supposed to have coffee so don’t tell, okay? What kind of shoes are those? Are monks allowed to have girlfriends? I have to go to the bathroom.
Now, look inside your heart when the moment comes. Find the Ultimate One you will.
Just ‘cause you’re being all wise, Master Shaolin Monk, does not mean you have to use Yoda syntax.
Do you drive that weapon in, do what you have longed to do for so long, and stop your pain? or…do you turn back and leave now, despite the long road you have endured to come here at last?
> turn back and leave now
Turn what?
Man, did this game had some issues.* We’ll call it a four.
* Syntax error there is a result of adding “did” and forgetting to change “had,” but I rather like it the way it is.
12 months ago